


Five Things Sam Tyler Swore He'd Never Do, But Did Anyway

by collatorsden_archivist



Category: Ashes to Ashes, Life on Mars & Related Fandoms, Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Angst, G - White Cortina, Humor, Time Period: 1973-1981 (Life on Mars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-07
Updated: 2008-04-07
Packaged: 2019-01-20 20:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12440583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collatorsden_archivist/pseuds/collatorsden_archivist
Summary: As the title suggests.





	Five Things Sam Tyler Swore He'd Never Do, But Did Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Janni, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [the Collators' Den](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Collators%27_Den), which was moved to the AO3 to ensure access and longevity for the fanworks. I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Collators' Den collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/collatorsden/profile).

  
Author's notes: Written in response to a challenge from Dorcas_Gustine for the "Five Things" meme on LJ.  


* * *

1.) Drink milk straight from the bottle.

 

 

It went against every fibre of his being, but on a rare occasion when he was at Gene's and had been left to his own devices while Gene was changing shirts after an all-night stakeout, Sam had an overpowering thirst. 

 

 

Looking in Gene's fridge, the only thing he could find that wasn't beer was an innocent looking bottle of milk. Eagerly, he reached in, grabbed it, untwisted it, and was pouring it delicately into his mouth (allowing no contact between his lips and the mouth of the bottle), but all his care and stealth were rendered null and void in an instant as he sprayed the contents of his mouth everywhere in the next couple of seconds. A half-naked Gene bounded into the 

 

kitchen, utterly bewildered, and exclaimed half-exasperatedly, half-amusedly when he saw what the source of the noise had been.

 

 

"I bet you're wishing you hadn't done that, eh Sammy-boy? The Missus and I have been having a little battle of the wills lately. We both know that bottle of milk's been off for a couple of weeks now, at least, but we're trying to see who will give in first and finally throw it away. She's nearly as stubborn as I am! I'd never have figured you for the sort to drink straight from the bottle, anyway," Gene clapped Sam on the back, causing Sam to further empty his mouth as he spluttered and choked some more and glared uncomprehendingly at Gene.

 

 

2.) Smoke.

 

 

Apart from that one time when he was twelve and curious to know what it was to experience a fag and why so many people did it every day, Sam Tyler had never smoked. He'd thought the things were vile and disgusting, and as each new piece of evidence leaked from the medical journals into the general mass media, he inwardly nodded in vigorous assent as he silently filed away each little fact in his head, for use at later dates yet to be determined. Horrible, vile things. He wouldn't even date a smoker---well, except for that one time with Courtney Baker-Camberwell when he was 16, but that was a different 

 

story, and quite excusable, as all who had ever seen her would readily agree.

 

 

But after one particularly long night of boy's own drunken carousing, which inevitably lead to the slightly uncomfortable sort of drunken revelations Sam was becoming used to sat at any random roadside at 4am in the Cortina, Sam had snuck a single Marlboro out of the pocket of Gene's coat when Gene was sound asleep and snoring away in the driver's seat. He then hid it away in an inside pocket of his jacket for later use.

 

 

Later on that same night, both men smoked in absolute exasperation and frustration at one another, only neither of them knew it.

 

 

3.) Get involved with someone who was already married or otherwise taken.

 

 

It was a job. It was _their_ job.

 

_They_ were the job. 

 

That was all it was...surely.

 

 

4.) Go to sleep without brushing his teeth.

 

 

Ever since Auntie Heather had told him all sorts of horrible things about little boys who didn't brush their teeth before they went to sleep when he was eight, Sam had been a very methodical tooth-brusher. 

 

 

And flosser. When manufacturers started coming out with more advanced tooth cleaning solutions, you can be sure Sam was all over them. In fact, he was probably qualified to rate most modern tooth-cleaning apparatii, such was the depth and breadth of his use of such implements. 

 

 

Still, in 1973, there weren't many options. There was a regular manual toothbrush. And toothpicks. And floss, if one cared to go that far, which of course he certainly did.

 

 

Until the one time Gene had called him a nancy fairy boy for brushing his teeth after they'd quaffed about 7 bottles of Nelson's house red whilst discussing a case. And discovering that indeed, Sam took his dental hygiene so seriously he kept a toothbrush and toothpaste in the

 

righthand pocket of his jacket, for just such occasions as very late nights out.

 

 

Sam had brushed his teeth on such nights out prior to this, but he'd never had the misfortune to have Gene walk in on him whilst he was so doing. 

 

 

From that night forward, much to his internal chagrin, Sam forgot his toothbrush and toothpaste at home. 

 

 

5.) Eat 'Oops ever again.

 

 

One of the last things Sam remembers about his dad is that the last time he saw him, he'd had a big bowl of 'Oops for lunch that his mum had cooked for him. Well---not really cooked, of course, but lovingly removed from their tin and heated in a pot on the stove and then transferred to a bowl.

 

 

The other last thing he remembers is that he had 'Oops again for dinner that night, when his mum had quietly, firmly, and sadly told him they shouldn't expect to see his dad coming around anymore. The 'Oops tasted much better after his tears had splashed into them, he remembers. Gave them a little something they seemed to lack. 

 

 

He'd managed to abstain from the eating of 'Oops for the remainder of his life up until his traveling to 1973, at which point he could no longer run from the sordid secrets of the spaghetti of his past.

 

 

Gene looked at him oddly as he sniffled whilst eating, but Sam waved away his concern and said he'd gotten something in his eye. Gene didn't press the issue any further.


End file.
